It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
