My friends, they love my intelligence
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
