no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
