i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
