Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
