Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
