My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
