Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
