I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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