He disabled his match.com account in front of me
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
