i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
