"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
