I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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