:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
