I can text with my tongue
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
