Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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