She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
