i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
