im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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