i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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