im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
