I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
