She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
