dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
