so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
