I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Randomize
