My cat gives me a boner
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
