It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
