my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
