My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
