So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
