Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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