That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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