If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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