haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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