Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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