You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
