He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
