i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
