It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
