hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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