I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
