I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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