In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
