if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
