new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
