drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
