I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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