I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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