At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The best revenge is premature balding
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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