We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
