Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
