My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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