What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
