You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
