I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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