no. you can't hotbox the world.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
