just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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